The Art of Fangirling

THE ART OF FANGIRLING

For the 64-ish million people using Tumblr, we know what fandoms are. Simply put, they’re cult-like obsessions that wreck your life with all of the deliciously handsome men and badass girls that you could go gay for. Heck they could all of your feels with one wink or sultry slip of the tongue. There are fanfictions, fanwars, and fanart. And they all consume your life until the only thing you’re left with is a tissue box and your own sobbing self. In the fangirl/fanboy world, there isn’t even such a word as sleep (although there is plenty of food). For many of us, our esoteric behavior puzzles our friends and family. This is the article to refer to when your only emotion is ASDFGHJKL and your parents demand to know why you’re acting like you’re on drugs.

First off, one must understand a fangirl. For the most part, fangirls are creatures of the dark who feed off of fanart and fanfics (with the occasional supplement of some crappy junk food), who seem to be into self-inflicted pain. After all, most Tumblring and “asdfghjkl-ing” seems to be done in the wee hours of the morning, when everything is as black as the bottom of porta-potties. Our lives are, sadly, diminished enough to be centered around posts about our fandoms. And then we always watch movies and T.V.’s with our favorite celebs. Funnily, the same celebs seem to have a penchant for playing angsty/depressed/misunderstood/villainous/creepy/heartbroken characters that make us squee, scream, and sob at the same time. It’s an emotional, roller-coaster mess that requires copious amounts of tissues. Fangirls have been known to become mentally unstable and run around the house in a fit during these T.V. shows/movies as well, when it all becomes too much. We love to watch our favorites act, but the movies just slay us. We physically cannot go on because of the feels. It’s a vicious circle. And then we obsess over their laugh, smile, even fingernails…but we really know, inside, that our chances of meeting them, much less dating them, are as likely as pigeons deciding to poop on something besides humans. My theory is that since most fangirls are single, godforsaken people forced to live on Oreos and cat food, they project their romantic fantasies into their fandoms. All the things fangirls like about a fandom, all the fanfiction and fanart they read are the manifestations of their loneliness- what happens in these books and tv shows and movies are what these fangirls dream of. The only problem with my theory is that I can’t figure out if being in a fandom makes a person lonely or a person is in a fandom because they’re lonely.

                Furthermore, a person could easily get lost in a fangirl discussion if they didn’t know the lingo. Here are some must know words:

-SHIP: verb. To desperately, obsessively, and unhealthily believe and endorse a romantic pairing. The word ship comes from the word relationship. Variations include shipping (v.) and shipper (n. a person who ships) EX: I ship Johnlock; Sherlock and John should obviously get married and have beautiful babies together!

-asdfghjkl:  interjection. An indescribable emotion of any kind. EX: OH MY CRUMPETS I JUST MET JAMES MCAVOY ASDFGHJL WHAT IS AIR I CANT EVEN WHAT IS ENGRISH AAAAAAAAA DEAD DEAD DEAD DYING HELP

-OTP: noun. An acronym for “One True Pairing”. This would be your favorite people together in a romantic relationship. EX: “STARK SPANGLED BANNER IS MY OTP!” yelled the rabid fangirl, foaming at the mouth. She had not slept in three days and had obsessively reblogged everything Tony/Steve related from Tumblr.

-fanfiction/fanfic: noun. A story written by fans, using characters from their fandoms. Usually written in third person. May include genres such as smut and fluff. More likely than not to be slash.  EX: I read the most heartbreaking, horrible, spirit-crushing fanfiction a year ago! YES IT WAS A YEAR AGO TO THE DATE EXACTLY OF COURSE I STILL REMEMBER IT IT WAS THE MOST TRAUMATIZING THING TO HAPPEN TO ME IN MY LIFE OH MY GOD ALL THE DEAN/CAS FEELS
note: can be abbreviated to fanfic of simply fic

-slash: noun. Can be used in place of yaoi or yuri. Abbreviated with, yes, a “/ “ A type of fanfiction or word used to denote something of a homosexual sort. EX: I mean seriously slash is more common than straight stuff I MEAN LOOK AT TUMBLR

-fanart: noun. Any form of art that uses characters from a fandom, drawn by fans. EX: Oh god most fanart I see is SO SMUTTY nothtatI’mcomplaining. Oh wait, look! This Merthur fanart! THE FLUFF.  I CAN’T

-fandom: noun. A group of people with an “unhealthy” obsession for certain T.V. shows, books, movies, etc who may or may not be emotionally compromised and in need of immediate psychiatric help. EX: OMG GUYS I JUST WATCHED BATMAN IS IT TOO LATE TO JOIN THE FANDOM ASDFGHJKL

-canon: adj. Another word for official; mostly used in fanfictions to distinguish made up fan writing from actual story lines. EX: This Avengers fanfic is horrible; the twat that wrote this can’t even distinguish her own trash from the canon storyline. Loki is definitely not married to a person named Lola! OR: OMG OMG OMG MY OTP JUST WENT CANON THERE IS A GOD

-feels: noun. Emotions on steroids. They make you feel like vomiting and hugging and eating and hysterically crying and screaming and jumping for joy all at once. Not necessarily in that order. EX: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD ALL THE FEELS I CAN’T WATCH ATONEMENT THIS IS TOO MUCH BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AND JAMES MCAVOY AND SO SAD NO

There are many more words in the vocabulary of the average fangirl, but of course there’s just too many.  I’m terribly sorry. But anyway, now that you know a bit of the vast lexicon of words fangirls use, it’s time to move on to some deeper stuff.

Fangirlism is considered by many to be a disease. These people go on Tumblr anywhere from three to 24 hours a day, depending on how obsessed they are. They may not sleep at all in general. How to detect a fangirl: a pale pallor from lack of sun; unhealthy aura about them from too much junk food; inability to talk properly or articulate anything’ social distress; drool stains on shirt from overexposure to certain celebrities; blinks a lot in bright sun or sun at all for that matter. Is there any cure for this? No. HAHAAAAA. Is there any way to prevent this? Sure, become a monk.

                 Now, how do you fangirl? Good question. Each of us has our own special way. It can be shown through appreciative fanart, fanfiction, gif sets, you name it. For the most part, however, fangirling is a cocktail of masochism, sadism, mind in the gutter thinking, and eccentricities. Whenever you conduct an in depth analysis of something in the fandom, be sure to make it horribly gut-wrenching and emotional.  And use Comic-Sans. For everything. Use it to spread your bread and butter. Use it as a soothing herbal remedy. Use it as a laxative. But be sure, of course, to use it.

Need some jump start tips to get you started in a fandom? No problem! I’ve got ALL (most) of them listed right here for you!

MERLIN FANDOM: Currently, now is a very bad time to join. All is chaos and everything hurts. It’s something like an exploding mess of baby hippos and nothing to feed them with except tuna fish sandwiches. The last series, series 5, is ending. On Christmas. Yes we don’t want Christmas time to come this year either, we’re perfectly happy with the cold weather and no holiday to enjoy it with. IT’LL BE LIKE NARNIA. Biggest OTP’S? Merthur/Brolin of course! Can’t you just taste the homoerotic tension?? There’s also Mergana, Arwen (no not the elf in LOTR-oh god I’m such a nerd Chuck help me), and Gwaine/Percy.  Although this fandom isn’t as big as the others, you’ll find it on must (fangirl-oriented) tumblr blogs. Also, lots of very steamy fanfiction including “Arthur discovering the magic”. Big, feels killing fanfic? “ Looking at You looking at Me” http://munchinglunch.livejournal.com/25822.html

KPOP FANDOM: possibly the craziest and most obsessed. Obsessed with all things Korean, ever. Has really awesome chibi fanart. Probably also has the most straight ships. Except when it comes to EXO.  Some fans may tend to get very intrusive and are generally considered to be the most stalkerish. (Hahaha, sending menstrual blood to celebrities? OH WAIT YOU’RE SERIOUS OKAY) Guys tend to be very effeminate looking and often wear impossibly skinny clothing, because they’re about the size of sticks. Very, very skinny. There’s also a major use of guyliner. Strange, claustrophobic MV’s filmed in small green screened rooms may scare off potential fans. These MV’s can vary from black and shiny and emo to bright and really weird and neon-y. Fangirls often tend to speak in Korglish. (Ahnyong! Saranghae! Nomu kwiyeowo! Oppa! Unni! Dongsaeng! Hajima! Kajima! Are some commonly used words.) The spirit animal of this fandom could be either a fuzzy panda or a hyperactive chirpy bird. Famous fanfics? Uh…I only know “Absolute Chanyeol”. YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN DUDESSS!

                SHERLOCK FANDOM: Now is a bad time to join this fandom also. Series three might start filming in August of next year, and may be released in January of 2014. QUOI?! Indeed. Also, Sherlock jumped off a building, John is in therapy (because he thinks Sherlock is dead) and our homicide-investigating couple is on hiatus. There’s a lot of fanfic too (seeing as they have all this time), and for every episode there is, there’s 4,000 fanfics. Kinda crazy. You should see what they do with their gifs. Biggest OTP’s? JOHNLOCK ALL THE WAY! And of course Sheriarty, Mormor, and John/Moriarty. (And even if you aren’t a fan of bad guys, you will be when you watch Sherlock. That accent, that voice- yum. Basically yum. ) It’s easy to spot people in this fandom- just find the girl staring at building ledges and high skyscrapers. They’re probably also hysterical and wearing a black trench coat with a blue scarf. Maybe a jumper. Fanfic that will require a trip to Costco for some tissues? Alone on the Water http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6914974/1/Alone_On_the_Water

SUPERNATURAL FANDOM: The most masochistic. Loves to cry. All the time. Intentionally goes out of its way to hurt other people part of the fandom. If an episode of SPN isn’t sad, then it’s on crack. Is always making head canons about horrible, horrible, sad things. Plenty of gay fanart. May carry around packets of salt and eat copious amounts of pie. And coo over mooses. (What’s the plural of moose anyway? Meese? Like, goose to geese? I dunno) From the outside, the Supernatural fandom may look like a bunch of devil worshippers. And they have no good explanation for that. Biggest OTP’s? DESTIEL AND WINCEST! Oops and Mishalecki. Can’t forget that. To find Hunters at a place near you, simply scream, “SAM! SAMMY!” in a deep, gruff, growly voice. Guaranteed success. Terrifically awful life ruining fic? Twist and Shout. http://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955176
note: Although I am trying to find time to read these other famous fanfics, this is the only one I’ve gotten to so far. GOD IT’S HORRIBLE I CRY EVERY TIME BE SURE TO HAVE A PILLOW TO MUFFLE YOUR CHOKED SOBS

DOCTOR WHO FANDOM: They hate Steven Moffat. And people jumping off of buildings (but the same can be said for the Sherlock fandom). May write in Circular Gallifreyan and scream, “EXTERMINATE!” at people they hate. Is deathly scared of statues, especially angel statues. Cannot watch “Doomsday” or “Journey’s End” or “The Angels Take Manhattan”. If hungry, feed them fish fingers and custard. Or a banana. But definitely not a pear. Has some seriously awesome Tenth cosplays and is often in tears because of reasons or laughing hysterically at the doctor’s antics. May treat blue boxes like people.  Is quite a cute and devoted, tight-knit fandom…MADE OF WARRIORS! OTP’s?  TenthxRose, AmyxRory, EleventhxAmy, EleventhxRory, and Captain Jack HarknessxEverything. Famous fanfics? Well…none that I can think of. (I may be mistaken)

TEEN WOLF FANDOM: …I’m so sorry. Sterek?? That’s the extent of my knowledge L GOOD LUCK! Oh WAIT. "Slipping Away"? http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8447714/1/Slipping-Away
Of course, there are many more fandoms. Of which I am much too exhausted to research. Perhaps I'll add them if you'd like??

 Any questions? Message me! And good luck with your fangirling quest! May horrible feels plague you the rest of your life J

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