Of Mice, Moose, and Men

"An' we gonna live off the fatta the lan'," Lennie finished."And don't forget the rabbits, George. I gets to tend to the rabbits." Lennie smiled dreamily, as the warmth of the fire surrounded us.

"That's right, Lennie," George said happily,"you get to tend to the rabbits. All the cute soft bunnies you'll ever need."

I stared at them, aghast. "Two grown men...and they dream of gettin' rabbits..." I shook my head slowly, in disbelief. "Don't you want, you know, to do something with your life?" I asked them.

George and Lennie looked blankly at me. "Moose," Lennie said suspiciously,"it's about the rabbits. Don't you want them rabbits?"

"Yea, Moose," George agreed."How can you not like the rabbits? For Chrissake,  how can you not want all the rabbits you need, living on your own land, farming your alfalfa patch in a log cabin? Your like a little baby. Jesus, can't you see? It's all about the rabbits."

Slowly, I let out a breath of amazement. They were crazy, that's what they were. They were dropped on the head as babies and grew up to be two crazy, insane man children. "Well, then. Where you gonna get the money for the rabbits?" I pointed out. 

"Work on a ranch north a' here, up in Salinas," George recited, at the same time as Lennie exhorted,"Buck barley!" 

" They got a nice set up in Salinas," George remarked." We gonna work for our fifty and found, and at the end a' the month, we gonna get our pay and find another ranch to work at. Then we gonna do it again, until we get  enough to buy the land and them rabbits. Like we did in Weed--" George cut himself off suddenly. 

" What happened in Weed?" I questioned.

"Lennie...well, you know how he is...He sorta..." George trailed off, eyeing Lennie." He sorta grabbed a girl's dress, and got in a misunderstanding with the police."

Lennie nodded thoughtfully."Rape," he said simply.

"Ah..." I tried my best to feign indifference."That...must be tough, with the confusion and all that." I coughed. "Well, nice camping with you guys. Enjoy your life. Dream big, have fun with your rabbits and your ranch. I got to go back to my job in the city."I scooped up my camping gear and walked away from the campfire. I suddenly added as I left," You know, you can probably make a couple thousand bucks if you actually get a real job."

George and Lennie glanced at each other dumbly, before George said,"Nah, how can you get no rabbits if you don't work on a farm?"

I facepalmed, walked off to my better life, and left the two mice and men to the mercy of John Steinbeck.

The King

Read More

Back To School Night

Welcome back to school, kids! Tonight is that special night when your parents get to go to all of your beloved classrooms and hear about how your amazing teachers just adore you, and your parents get to be pleasantly surprised about such good marks you've been having in class. They know now that you haven't been passing notes in class, dozing off during lessons, or discreetly using your phone like some teenage American punk. No, you are their intelligent child, a future prodigy, planning your own gateway into ivy league schools. You are the amazing bright star of your class, leading the other inferior peers that you must go to school with simply because you already have seven other private tutors from Oxford, Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cambridge, UCLA, UCBerkley, and UCSD.  Not only that, but you are the president of Key Club, Speech and Debate, and a budding superstar writer at the Tellury, as well as a varsity swimmer, runner, and basketball player, leading your school to multiple national championships. This Back to School Night, your parents get a chance to believe in you and your future prospects again. Forget Palomar or Miramar College, you can get into Harvard! No more burger flipping at your local McDonald's, you're going to run for president! And living with your parents for the next...rest of your life? Impossible! You'll be vacationing in France, living in your 12 different exotic mansions that are located at prime spots throughout the world!

Dreamily, your parents will sway and sigh at just the thought of all your future achievements that have not yet been realized. They will pat you on the head, hug you, kiss you, and whisper praise into your ear as you drift into a deep, content sleep tonight.

Then, in the morning, when all of you are wide awake again, and are back into the world of mediocrity, and your parents realize how pathetic it is, you will receive another kiss, an Italian kiss, a slap straight to the cheek. You will receive a loud lecture about the meaning of life, go to school, not learn anything, go home, and then do all of it again. Until the next, Back to School Night.

The King

Read More