EBook

Enjoy.

- Gokul Swamy

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Chargers Coach fired

As of yesterday,  the longtime Chargers coach , Norv Turner is no longer the coach of the team due to the fact that he was unable to improve the Chargers’ current state of losing several games.  Turner’s response to this was surprisingly  one that was calm.  While he was interviewed by the media , he stated that   he had seen this coming for a long time, and wasn’t surprised to be leaving. Turner turned out to be not the only one who was leaving, however.  General Manager AJ Smith was fired yesterday as well.

When asked  his opinion on whether the Chargers would make it to the playoffs this year, Turner replied , “ Someone wrote a few weeks ago that this team is not that far away from the playoffs. I would disagree. I know the things that would have to get done for that to happen. If this team comes next year and they get some things done to help them get better and are able to make the playoffs, I would hope it would be a surprise to all the Chargers fans, and they would be excited about it.”   His opinion of the Chargers, overall, is one that is mixed.  According to Yahoo Sports, Norv believed that the team was an extremely talented team for the first couple years he coached, and  their talent slowly  decreased in the next three.

AJ Smith has  refused to meet with the media and give his personal opinion on his firing.  Currently, the team is looking for a new coach and a general manager. In many of the public’s opinions, the Chargers are not expected  to make it to the playoffs this year.  Hopefully , the new coach and manager will be able to improve the Chargers’ game  strategies and thus they will be able to win more games than the previous years.

Source: Yahoo Sports , KUSI News.

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CLICK- Chapter 12

It was almost lunch time. I sat in my dull cubicle, spinning in my chair while dangling a pen from my cold fingers (freaking cheapo’s needed to up the budget and get a heater). I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. What a boring shade of gray. Bored bored boredddddd. Even more boring now that Anjali wasn’t there to tease. I really didn’t care if she was gone. That sleazebag could be dead for all I cared. She had probably taken a vacation. Honestly, I had no idea why people were so hyped up about her absence, to the point where they had issued an investigation. After all, it wasn’t like she was, you know, kidnapped or anything.

I blinked. My eyes had become dry from staring up too long. My thoughts were broken when a mass of red jumped up from behind my cubicle wall. Cally Whitworth, the imbecile.

“God, I’m so worried about Anj! What if she’s really not okay? What if she’s hurt? What if she’s dying? WHAT IF IT’S CANCER AND-”

I looked up lazily, swinging one crossed leg over the other. I gave her a look that said, “frankly, I think you’re a jumped up bunglicker”. Cal didn’t get the hint though.

“Geoffreeyyyyyy! Come on!!! You have to help me look for her! The last time I saw her was when she ran after you that night at my party.”

“No, I don’t have to help you look for her,” I said. “Honestly, do I look like your slave?”

“Yes.”

“Shut up.”

“MAKEE MEEE! Geoffrey Indiko, you are a right foul custard bunion. You are going to help me look for her, or I swear to God that I will make your life a living hell!”

I laughed breezily. “Alreadddyy is one with you in it, darrlinnggg!”

“Okay. Fine. Then I’ll come to your house with a baseball bat and break your mirror so you can never gaze longingly at your stupid fat face again!”

“I happen to be under the impression that my face is rather spectacular looking, as you seemed so enamored with it just a few days ago,”

“SHUT UP! That was before I knew how stupid you were and how much product you put in you hair, stupid!”

“I put barely any product at all. What you see is in fact just a byproduct of my awesome-ness.”

“Stay right there. I’m going to find a stapler to bash your head in with.”

I gave her a slight bow. “Very good, milady,” I added sarcastically.

Then, out of nowhere, an actual stapler came flying at my head. A huge, black, metal one. I ducked but....not in time. Damn thing hit the side of my head.

“WHAT’D YOU DO THAT FOR??”

“I told you I was going to do it!”

I groaned, gingerly feeling the side of my skull. “You twit! I’m bleeding!”

“Oh, don’t be a baby.”

“HARK WHO’S TALKING!”

“ME? LOOK AT YOU! TOUCHING YOUR FACE ALL THE TIME, BENDING OVER TO STICK OUT YOUR ‘CHISELED’ BUTT, ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING’S TOO COLD, MAKING LEWD COMMENTS ABOUT OUR BOSS-”

“Ahem. I understand that you are...clearly occupied...but it would be appreciated if you two would take your rather boisterous conversation outside, or even better, elsewhere.” Our annoying boss stood by the doorway. Irritated, I stood up. I did not say lewd things about our boss, Jesus Christ! (Okay, so maybe she was particularly bodacious and- BUT I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT)

“No problem! I was getting tired of speaking with this IMBECILE!” I emphasized the “imbecile”. Cal looked outraged.

Pushing past my boss, I stormed outside, slamming the door behind me, also attracting the attention of a few young children.

“What are you looking at?” I snarled. This caused them to flee into the arms of their mothers, who in turn gave me a look of disgust. I just felt so frustrated! Why did everyone expect me to help find Anjali???? IT WASN’T LIKE IT WAS MY FAULT THAT SHE GOT HERSELF KIDNAPPED OR WHATEVER!

And why should I? She was a freaking killer!

Well, so was I...

Whatever.

I still had in my hand a letter opener from when I was working in the office.

Wouldn’t hurt to go for another round with some unlucky idiot...

The lights of the dinky little apartment (well, like I said, it was more of a ...shack, if you will) were all off. Kent must be asleep. All the better. I was drenched in blood.

I had been out for a couple of hours. Think it was 3 a.m. It had been three days since I left the office in a storm. The police hadn't found out anything about me, couldn't figure out why. Of course no one got much further on Anjali’s case either.

Sometimes Kent commented on my absences in the morning, but I was mostly still asleep. I had the feeling we were growing more and more distant. Sometimes I could almost see the frown on Kent’s face behind my closed eyes. I felt bad but...now I learned not to care. Killing made me feel good.

Quietly, I unlocked the door, inching it forward, everything, even the dead wood, tense. Closing it behind me, I walked further into my apartment. Crashing straight into the bed sounded good. But washing up and burning the bloody clothes should be taken care of-but it was so much work.

I took a quick scan of the apartment. Didn’t hear anything, didn’t see anything... the coast was clear. Couldn’t see anything, really in fact. It was that dark. Wasn’t scary though. It was comforting. Good thing the place was so tiny- it was easier to memorize. The living room’s carpet was beat up and stained, and pretty much felt like matted fur on an underfed dog. The kitchen was horribly messy and smelled like trash half of the time, Kent probably had half of his stuff lying around rotting somewhere or whatever. I mean, besides the bathrooms, our house had pretty much only four rooms. Feet still padded by socks, I started to make a dash for the washroom. Bloody architect. Who in their right mind would honestly make a house in which you have to cross the family room, living room, and kitchen to get into the bathroom??

Oh god, I sincerely hoped Kent would not wake up. What if he found out about my...”late night sprees”? That would put him in a compromising situation- he would be torn. Tell the police or let his roomie go free and let innocent people die? I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t! And it would be such an awkward situation to explain, and he would never look at me the same way again, he would kick me out of the house...

More importantly, I would’ve let him down.

More than anything, I couldn’t do that.

The floor creaked under my weight. Jeez. Kent, please, please do NOT wake up. Oh god. I tentatively placed another foot on the cold wood. No creaks this time. Breathe. I was holding in my breath. Hadn’t even realized it. I breathed out, huskily, trying to even out my nervous, sporadic, and very loud breath.

Then something brushed my leg.

OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD... My heart plummeted and I felt about 30 degrees colder. Every inch of me clenched together and at the same time felt like exploding into a, a oh god I don’t even know oh god this was how it was going to end I was going to throw up all over this bloody floor and pass out in it and this thing, the thing brushing past my leg what the heck was that oh my god it was definitely after me and it was taking it’s sweet time, teasing me, killing me slowly and driving me insane, and I was and going to be carted off to prison and Kent, oh my god Kent-

It brushed my leg again and it was all I could do to not to let out a muffled whimper when I bit down on my lip and clasped my frozen hands against my mouth.

...And then the thing mewed.

Mewed?!

I wasn’t given enough time to ponder this. Footsteps fluttered down the hallway to my right. Kent.

Oh god. Kent. Did I have enough time to hide? The kitchen was really messy, maybe there- but I was much too tall to hide behind anything, except the counter. And even then, I would make too much noise trying to clamber behind it. Kent was coming closer...

There was no way I could explain my way out of this one. Oh geez. I wanted to scream, to cry, to just vaporize all together on the spot and die over and over just not to face Kent!...

It was too late. I was done for. I was over. I couldn’t face Kent. I was facing the wall, so he would see my back side first.

The lights clicked on. No peaked gasp of breath. No sound of shock at all, in fact. Nothing I could register.

“Kent?”

He didn’t move for a second.

Sound of movement. I saw him through my peripheral vision, walking ahead of me. He bent down, and picked up a kitten (that’s what it was?!). All without looking at me. I wanted to scream.

LOOK AT ME DAMMIT. KENT PLEASE. JUST LOOK. I’M A MESS. I’VE LET YOU DOWN. I CAN’T. DO YOU SEE WHAT I’VE BECOME. A MONSTER. I’M HORRIBLE. I’M WORTHLESS. LOOK AT WHAT I’VE DONE TO YOU.  I’M UNLOVEABLE. LOOK AT ME AND ACKNOWLEDGE MY BETRAYAL AND SHAME, EVERYTHING. GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY. I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS. KENT, PLEASE. PLEASE LOOK AT ME KENT.

...Look at me and tell me everything is going to be okay...

Because by now, I’m willing to believe in any lie, just to believe in something.

Kent slowly pivoted around, looking at me directly, in the eye.

“Kent, say something.” Silence. “Please.”

His eyes sank deeper into mine, pried into me, took a good look at exactly all the filth that I was and had been in.

I cautiously, slowly, walked over to him. Would he be okay with that? I was a bloody mess. Did he even like me anymore? Even regard me as a person anymore?

“Kent, oh god, I’m sorry, I-”

“I knew what was going on. It’s okay Geofferey.”

I stumbled back. “What?”  His reply was not at all like...him.

“I know why you’re missing every night. Why you’ve skipped work. And why you’re covered in all that blood.” I searched his face. Was he furious? Disgusted? No, he just looked disappointed. Like I had let him down.

“Kent, buddy, what the hell are you saying? Go to bed. You’re tired.”

“No, no. Hear me out. D’you remember anything from when you were little? Like, five, maybe.”

“No...” Come to think of it, I couldn't remember anything starting from about two years ago.

“Can’t remember anything from two years ago and back, can you?”

The hell- “Kent, the heck, what’s going on-”

“Shh. It’ll make sense. Just listen. You know Anjali, and you know Daphne. This is how you know them. When you were young, like maybe, ten, you met them. You guys were friends.”

I backed away, frantically shaking my head.

“No no no no! You’ve got it wrong, Kent! I never knew Anjali up until a few weeks ago. I hate Anjali, for God’s sake! No way we were friends! I--”

“Geoffrey, just listen. You guys were all kidnapped by the MEM. They wiped your memories. That’s why you don’t remember anything.”

“Kent, shut up. Memory wiping? What the hell, are you from the future? I think not!”

“No. I’m your friend-”

“But I don’t remember you, ohhh I see,” I shot at him sarcastically. Kent was freaking crazy. I was going to bed. This was all dumb sh-

“Right,” Kent said, passing right by all the sarcasm. “But I can help you remember.”

I sighed. “Okay, say I did get wiped. What now? Huh Kent? What crazy stuff are you gonna try on me now?”

“Close your eyes.”

“The h- What for??”

“Just listen to me. Do it.”

So I closed my eyes.

Then Kent farted in my face.   

“KENT WHAT THE F-”

Kent was laughing hysterically. “OH GOD THAT WAS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP OKAY I’M SORRY BUT SERIOUSLY JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES.”

“NO! NOT AFTER THAT YOU MORON-”

“Stop being a party pooper and do it you baby.”

“Ugh. I hate you man. Fine.”

Kent started talking.

“You were about three. I think you told me you were just playing on the sidewalk, and then somehow or another you blacked out and woke up. Somewhere weird. Somewhere foreign. Somewhere where no one could ever find you.”

“You were in the desert. Middle east-ish. You were surrounded by people in gray, all the time. It was a strange little camp. Everyday these people would force you to do whatever they wished, and you did it. Not out of love. Out of fear. If you didn’t obey, you didn't’ have any food for perhaps three days, or you were chained to a post, surrounded by rats, or you were beaten.”

“For the most part, you obeyed. What other alternative did you have? You couldn’t remember the warmth of a touch, or a kind face, or what a smile looked like. The memory of your parents was barely even there. That changed though. You met me. You were about seven. To be more accurate, I met you. You didn’t know me at all. I blended in with the rest of them. I was kidnapped, like you. But the kidnapped had turned to be the kidnapper, as I was forced to keep you in control.”

“One day, you forgot to attend to someone. Nobody can blame you. You were in servitude for four or five years by then. But those guards-they were strict. They chained you up in one of the bigger outhouses. You hated the dark. It was so smelly and stinky and....”

Kent’s voice started to fade away. I realized I was starting to remember. I was back there again...

“PLEASE! Let me go! I promise I won’t do it again, I promise, I swear, I’ll do anything-”

Someone in the darkness just laughed. I heard something swish and-

The snap of pain across my back wasn’t like anything I experienced before. I couldn’t stop screaming. I screamed and I screamed and I screamed and I kept getting more and more hurt and the blood was caking all over or oozing slowly down and everything was so horrid and stars started appearing at the corners of my vision and I was fading in and out of consciousness and the worst part was hearing the swish and bracing for the impact and the thing slashing further and further I was probably going to get an infection and ughh my raw skin being chafed against the rope and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take-

“STOP!”

No more swishing sounds.

“The hell, Pete! Go back to your quarters! Not done with the boy yet!”

“You are now,” the voice said quietly.

“Ahhh, shut up.”

The swish noise again! I became tense, waiting, waiting-

But nothing.

I heard it crack against something else...

I heard “Pete”, apparently, groan. “Ahhh...” he stopped with a sharp intake of breath. Then a gunshot. My captor had been killed.

“Good thing I decided to smuggle this-expensive thing, MEM doesn’t even like guns. Can’t see why. It was so much faster this way.” He was panting. “Geoffrey, go! Before they come back!”

I didn't say anything. I couldn’t. I scrambled to my feet and ran.

That wasn’t the end of it though.

A few nights later, one of the guards came up to me. He was smiling. That wasn't a good sign.

“Hey Geoffrey! We’re going to see a little something special tonight! I know you’ll like it, little baby,” he grinned savagely.

He dragged me along, to one of the horses. He trundled me up, blindfolded, while we rode  for perhaps ten minutes or so,. As we got closer, I could hear someone crying out. The more we rode, the worse it became. The screams were unbearable. I felt myself being slid off the horse, blindfold undone.

What I saw was....

Peter was there, tied against a post. The cries were his. He was being whipped.

“See that there? He’s doing it in your place. We found him, all right- ass tried to high tail it. We asked him- ‘We’re giving you a nice choice here, Pete. Either you whip the boy or we whip you,’ and of course he chose to get whipped in your place! Ha, nice people. They’re so stupid.” the guard said.

“Let him go,” I whispered.

“He’s been here, say, maybe three days now. First he was silent. Didn’t cry out at all. Now he’s been a real nuisance! Won’t shut the ‘ell up! Keeps passing out too, and puking all over the place. ‘s disgusting,” he chuckled.

Crack. Another scream.

I couldn’t watch him and leave him there. I had to do something!

“LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO LET HIM GO LET HIM GO” I screamed, running toward Peter. I didn’t exactly have a plan, except to run. Or something. I got as far as almost untying Peter’s bonds when the guards decided to act, dragging me away, hauling me like a sack of potatoes over one shoulder.

I was forced to watch Peter’s torture, while I hit, kicked, and bit the guard and sobbed at them to let Peter go.

“Geoffrey! Snap out of it!”

I woke up, startled.

“How long have I been out?”

“Ten minutes. Ish. Screaming bloody murder.”

“Of course I was! I had to relive- relive that! Kent, they called you Peter, and- and oh God, Kent, it was horrible how are you still alive??”

He shrugged. “Not so sure myself. Not too long after you came around they finally had enough of me...Anyway, I’m not done. I’ve got to keep explaining to you-”

“Kent, no way, I’m not done talking about this, they nearly killed you-”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Okay. Anyway, so there you were, the little torment toy. After our incident, they decided it wasn't safe to keep you there anymore. We might’ve been in cahoots. Some head guy bosso honcho decided to move you to some little pansy place- there, you would have some school and crap or whatever it was you guys did, actually have real food, and dress up in some prick uniform-”

“Wow, tell us how you really feel about the place, Kent-”

“I kid you not! Geoffrey, I never forgot you. Never. Even after you left I watched out for you,”

I was about to chip in some snide remark about how stalkerish he was, but...looking at him, I couldn’t do it.

“That place was so crap, Geoffrey. Compared to what you had been through? You were going to school with a bunch of pansies. I don’t know how you could stand it. Me? I would’ve went insane. No one to understand you, no one at all. And then there you were, learning the ABC’s from some prissy fat teacher, when you were probably getting debilitating flashbacks from your time back at Camp Lots-o-Fun!”

Everything was dark.

When I woke up, I was sitting in a chair. A very soft chair, more comfortable than anything I’d ever sat on. I was dressed in a white uniform. Across from me an elderly man sat with a pipe between his fingers. Once he noticed that I was awake, he smiled at me.

“Well, well, it seems that you’re alright. Well, Geoffrey, m’boy, welcome to your new home! Here you will be trained everyday, and you will go to school. Your term starts tomorrow. For now, the guards will take you to get your ID.” With that, he left. What? My mind was buzzing. School seemed like such a foreign concept. And training? More training? Whatever, at least I was gone from that other place. They couldn’t hurt me anymore. But I was so confused. Who was that man? Was I still going to work for the MEM? The guard grabbed me by the elbow and pushed me through the door, in what seemed to be a completely metal hallway.

We walked and walked, passing a large window. I was astonished to see more kids like me, playing outside. Having fun...

After walking for what felt like hours, we reached a dead end. Or more of a station. I could see that that was where I would get my ID. While I walked up to it, through the corner of  my eyes that there were two figures huddled in the corner. I turned my head, and looked at two small girls. The smaller one with brown hair was holding the older one’s pants. Her eyes sparkled with interest and childishness. I somehow felt myself aching, wishing that I could be as free as her. But when she backed away, I knew at once that my eyes were just dull and dead, like my spirit, and that they couldn’t be free. I looked up at the older girl, the one with black hair and almost golden skin; instead of fear I saw curiosity. I stared at her, silently daring her to say something. But she stared back, holding my gaze. It wasn’t until the guard pushed me that I continued walking.

I met her again, during lunch, and what was my first real meal. Clearly she didn’t like me. And I didn’t like her either. But I discovered that the younger girl was called Daphne, and at first I thought that Daphne and the other girl were sisters. Rather, they were friends.

Our fates must have been intertwined, because later that week, she saved me from a bully. Of course, she also passed out from the sight of blood, but I had made a new friend. Her name was Anjali Izumi.

Years passed on. Daphne became my ...well, more than just a friend, and Anjali was my right-hand man...er...woman....or girl.

We were an inseparable trio. But then one day, something changed. Daphne was absent from lunch. Anjali went to go look for her, but hours passed and she didn’t return. So I went to look for both girls.

My heart stopped when I saw my Daphne on the floor. It was Anjali.

I remembered that moment so vividly. Like it was yesterday. I shot her. I shot Anjali. I killed her. And that was all I remembered.

“It wasn’t her.” I was startled to see Kent standing over me.

“What?”

“She didn’t kill Daphne. Anjali loved Daphne more than she loved you. You killed the wrong person.”

I stared down at the table. It wasn’t Anjali. I shot the wrong person. I shot the wrong person. I killed my precious Anjali, my best friend. But-

“How is she still alive?”

Kent laughed at me.

“Stupid, the MEM can do anything. They just slowed down her death time, gave her some stuff, and shipped her off to her parents  house. It was easy, especially since you had helped them speed up the termination process. But they didn’t count on her living. And you. They had to deal with you. They wiped your mind, and sent you here.”

“B-b-but...Daphne?” I instantly regretted my words. Kent wore a look that I was not accustomed to seeing. I could feel chills resonate through my body. He looked like he could kill.

“Daphne? DAPHNE?! JESUS CHRIST, GEOFFREY! IS THAT ALL YOU CARE ABOUT? DAPHNE IS GONE YOU IDIOT! NOW ANJALI’S THE ONE MISSING!!! AND YOU’RE SITTING AROUND KILLING POOR BLOKES! HOW ABOUT, INSTEAD OF WALLOWING IN SELF PITY, YOU DO SOMETHING AND GO LOOK FOR ANJALI??? SHE LOVED YOU SO MUCH! IT’S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT SHE’S GONE. GOD. I KNEW IT. YOU ARE SUCH AN ARROGANT PIG! I’VE HAD IT. I’ve been patient enough. I waited for you to do something, and be the old Geoffrey, the one who would just be WAITING to take action. But now I see that you’ve changed. You don’t care anymore. I’m done, Geoffrey, I’m done.” With that outburst, he turned around, heading towards his bedroom, leaving me close to … nope. I was a man. I WAS A FREAKING MAN AND I WOULD NOT FREAKING CRY.

He was right. I didn’t want to admit it. But it was true. Daphne was in the past. I still had Anjali. But she was gone too. And yes, it really was my fault. If only I hadn’t left her at the party. Kent was right. The old me would have immediately done whatever I could to get her back...but...is there really anything called an old me and a new me? Aren’t I just...me? I had come to a decision.

I put my hand on Kent’s shoulder.

“How about you help me get back that Wimp Girl?”

Kent turned, and flashed me the biggest smile I had ever seen.

“Glad to have you back, Jeffy-Jeff.”

To read chapter 11 click here --> http://www.thetellury.com/2012/12/18/click-chapter-11/

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Super Junior M: Break Down

Super Junior M, a sub-group of Super Junior, formed in 2008,  with the intent of targetting Chinese audiences. It consisted of 7 members: Hangeng(the leader) Zhou Mi, Henry, Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, Siwon, and Donghae. There was some controversy over Henry  and Zhou Mi due to the fact that they were not part of the original members. Fans went as far as buying the stock of SM, announcing that they would not let there be any change to the group. Despite the opposition, they debuted with their album "Me," which mostly consisted of Mandarin remakes of their previous songs. A month after their debut, they won their first award: Asia's Most Popular New Group. Their next comeback was in 2009 with their album "Super Girl." This was their most successful song, and it won numerous awards. During 2010-2011, leader Hangeng filed a lawsuit against SM, leaving SJM mostly inactive. After the court ruled in favor of Hangeng, two new members, Eunhyuk and Sungmin were added. In 2011, they released "Perfection," which achieved high rankings on Taiwan's music charts.

Recently, SMTown tweeted, "Super Junior-M will makeyou #BreamDown @ Jiangsu TV NYE Concert http:jstv.com" and released a teaser image of the group, hinting at their new comeback. Member Siwon is missing from the picture, implying that he may not be participating in this album.

As a String and Honey(fanclub name for Henry and Zhou Mi) I'm happy that they finally get more attention and have high expectations for this album.

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Trivia # 14: The Great Wall

Around 221 BC, Emperor Qin unified all seven warring states to unify China. To strengthen his new territory and protect against the Huns, he ordered the walls around the country to be connected. Today, the wall is around 5,500 miles long. It's astounding size caused some false legends to come up about it: that it's visible from orbit or from the moon. However, this is not true. It's made up of material that's difficult to spot from space; the crumbling stone and clay easily blends in with its surroundings.  The only way it would be visible from orbit was if it met certain weather and lighting conditions.Another factor contributing to the poor visiblity of the wall is the pollution caused by China's factories.
 In fact, less prominent structures such as desert roads are easier spotted from space.
False beliefs about the visibility of the wall dates back decades. After Neil Armstrong returned from the moon, he was frequently asked if he could see the wall. His answer? He saw lakes and splashes of white on blue, but didn't glimpse the massive Great Wall.

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Click: A Christmas Special

 
Merry Christmas! Kent and Geoffrey wish you a very happy Christmas! Anjali would too, but she's a bit preoccupied. >.> So, as a gift from the Click crew to our wonderful readers, here is a little Christmas special. Enjoy!

Geoffrey was not one for giving gifts.

Kent, however, was.

“Kent? The heck is this??” Geoffrey gesticulated at a rather large, obnoxious box wrapped in lurid pink with reindeer in briefs dancing around on it.

“IT’S YOUR PRESENT! MERRY CHRISTMAS JEFF-JEFF!” Kent said. He was dressed in red and green robes, which hung off his lanky frame with a surprisingly regal air. The furry little antler headband that he wore added to the Christmas-y effect, as did the annoying little jingle bells that hung around Kent’s neck.
Geoffrey stared at Kent.
“What? Don’t tell me you never celebrated Christmas before!”
“Not really...”
“God! What kind of under-priveleged child-hood did you have? Man, what were you, locked in the basement eating rats?!”
“Very funny. Can I open this?”
Geoffrey shook the box. Kent screamed.
“NO! DON’T DO THAT! IT’S FRAGILE!”
Geoffrey promptly dropped the box, startled. “ All right, geez. Oh, beetle butts. I should’ve bought you something. I didn’t get you anything.”
“Don’t really care, knew you wouldn’t. Just open it!”
Geoffrey shrugged, and started to open the box.

It was a cat.

A cat.

Geoffrey shot daggers at Kent. “You know  I don’t like cats.”

“EXACTLY! THIS IS WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHA! Isn’t he a darling? His name is Bartholomew. Get it? GET IT?? Say hi to daddy, Bartholomew!”

Bartholomew meowed. Geoffrey rolled his eyes. Kent squealed.

It was a very merry Christmas indeed.

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The Sport of Swimming

So, right now, my computer is entirely in Dutch. It is a bright, sunny afternoon in Brussels, and I have just attempted to read a lab write-up about baseball. I have ten minutes before my family runs away without me, so I'll make it as quick as I can.

I have read somewhere that swimming is too boring to write about. Hmm...A sport treasured by millions of diverse humans across the globe, a sport honored to such a degree that it is in the Olympics, and a sport loved so much that men are willing to wear tiny Speedos into the great lake that is the pool, is, in my humble opinion, at least somewhat worthy to write about.

Swimming has ancient roots in the history of the world's creation. When the world was made, what were the first things in it? Bacteria. And where were the bacteria, the small unseeable things that would eventually evolve into you, you clump of flesh and blood and brain?

That's right.

Bacteria were swimming around in water. 

So if tiny bacteria can do it, why can't you?

Notwithstanding that, swimming has several benefits. 

First off, it feels good to be in the water after a hot day.

Second, swimmers are able to eat as much as they want because of the calories they lose in the pool.

Third, people who swim get free showers in the pool.

Lastly, and definitely not leastly, swimmers develop a toned muscular body.

You know what scientists say about V shaped bodies attracting the other gender? Swimming gives you that V-shaped body. Why else would girls craze about 15 year old British diver Tom Daley, or Michael Phelps, or Ryan Lochte? No one would care if they didn't swim.

I submit to you that swimming is an amazing, fun-filled sport that I have barely scratched the surface of. Whoever wrote that swimming is too boring must be some overstressed kid who takes too many AP's. 

T_L

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How far can you throw a Baseball?

Hi guys, it's Gokul, the techie at the Tellury. So I'm going to have to write the sports article for this week. However, since the only sport I know anything about is swimming, and nothing interesting ever happens in swimming, I've decided to talk about baseball. Specifically, how far can I throw a baseball. To make this simple, we will assume we are in only 2 dimensions and their is no air resistance. We will also assume that you are somewhere between 14-15 and are of the average height for that age(65 in). For those of you who have had a little physics, you will know we are doing a classic projectile motion problem. You would also know that a 45 degree angle is the best angle to throw a ball for distance because of how throws at complementary angles travel the same distance.[diagram]This is because of how 45 degrees acts as a sort of "mirror" in the center of the 0-90 degree spectrum. If you don't believe me, try reading this: Freefall Physics .

So now we have the angle we are going to throw it at and your height. But now we need to know how fast you can throw it. According to Yahoo answers, which is always a reliable source, the average high school freshman can pitch at 60 mph. But that's at perfectly horizontal angle. For those of you who have had a little bit of geometry, you know the sine of angle is the ratio of the opposite to the hypotenuse, and the cosine is the ratio of the adjacent side to the angle to the hypotenuse. One thing you will learn in physics that is really cool is velocity is a vector. Thus it it has horizontal and vertical components. So we can model it like a right triangle and no one can tell us we can't. SWAG. By using 45 as the angle and 60 mph as the speed, we get the vertical component as 26.8224 m/s and the horizontal as 26.8224 m/s. Remember that 45 degrees acts as a mirror and thus both sides are equal.

A few of you may know that the acceleration due to gravity is -9.81 m/s^2. You may also know that motion in two dimensions can be broken down into 2 one dimensional problem. To save you some time, I will do the math myself.

So all in all, the maximum distance a high-school freshman can pitch to is 149 meters. Notice how it is not dependent on the mass of the ball, only the speed. So if you could throw a basketball at 26 m/s, you could still throw more that 5 full NBA courts. For those of you who play baseball, check my estimate and post a response in the comments.

And as a final question, what angle should I throw it at to get the highest speed possible. Leave your angle in the comment section below, and a Merry Christmas to all(political corectness has no use to physicists).

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Comic for December 23, 2012 at 08:21PM

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Sandy Hook Shooting

    On December 13, 26 lives were lost at Sandy Hook Elementary School. 20 of which were children. The other six were adults, who died trying to protect the children. Who would be so heartless to take the lives of innocent children? Children who hadn't even  lived their lives to the fullest or received gifts yet? Apparently, Adam Lanza (age 20)  had an inhumane motive to do so. In addition to the 26 lives lost, he killed his parents, and soon after the killings, killed himself too. Family members say that Lanza had come from a bad background (and that he was homeschooled).  Psychologists suspect that he had some kind of mental disorder.

       According to Huffingtonpost.com, Nancy Lanza (the mother of Adam Lanza) was planning to send Adam to a "psychiatric facility".  Adam did not take this well; he was very angry at his mom. Many believe that is what led to the Sandy Hook Shooting.

     Even if he was angry at what his mom was planning to do, he should have just agreed to go to the facility. There, they would have taught him to control his anger. Because he didn't go, lives were lost.

     Among those who died were:
       Charlotte Bacon (age 6)
        Daniel Barden (age 7)
        Rachel D'Avino (age 29)
        Olivia Engel (age 6)
        Josephine Gay (age 7)
       Ana Marquez-Greene (age 6)
        Dylan Hockley (age 6)
        Dawn Hochsprung (age 47)
        Madeleine Hsu (age 6)

       Catheline Hubbard (age 6)

       Chase Kowalksi (age 7)

       Jesse Lewis (age 6)

      James Mattioli (age 6)
      Grace McDonnell (age 7)
     Anne Marie Murphy (age 52)
     Emilie Parker (age 6)
     Jack Pinto (age 6)
     Noah Pozner (age 6)
   Caroline Previdi (age 6)
   Jessica Rekos (age 6)
  Avielle Richman (age 6)
  Lauren Rousseau (age 30)
 Mary Sherlach (age 56)
 Victoria Soto (age 27)
 Benjamin Wheeler (age 6)
 Allison Wyatt (age 6)
      Rest in peace, heroes and angels. You all will forever be remembered in our hearts and memories.

       Sources: (http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/connecticut-school-shooting-adam-lanza-mother-visited-gun/story?id=17992396

http://chicagotonight.wttw.com/2012/12/17/reaction-connecticut-school-shooting
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/12/connecticut-school-shooting-complete-list-of-victims-names
www.huffingtonpost.com

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